Today is historic. Howard has spent his final night in a tent.
Watching him pack up for the last time got everyone thinking about how much more fun this would be if you spent the night in motels. By a unanimous vote it was decided that Howard had a fantastic idea.
Here is something to keep you occupied on the bus ride home. People should be members of this group, not the ride as a whole.
The Motel Owners Association of America are today's sponsor
Who rode the most RAW’s? Not Gordon!
Who’s eyes sparkled the most at Soap Lake when Ed said he had a bottle of whiskey?
Who had the smallest tent?
Who had the largest air mattress?
Fastest descender?
Tubeless _______________?
The best watermelon comes from?
In 2011 Cascade introduced what store bought sandwich?
After an eventful night we awoke and packed up our gear. One keen observer asked why there were yellow spots on the grass close to where tents had been pitched. Turns out while we need to hydrate there are times when one needs to get rid of a bit of fluid. Seems there was some peeing going on under those tent flaps.
After a good discussion of bodily functions we were off to Soap Lake. The first rest stop of the day is really important. Everyone needs to get rid of some coffee and today was no exception. We rolled in only to find 1 sani can with a line that extended all the way to the Oregon border. Good thing there were corn fields on either side. Guys on one side, gals on the other. Quickly Terri was off to find her stalk and looking out over the field all you could see was rustling corn.
Scratch 'n Sniff Porta Potties is today's sponsor.
Social distancing being practiced
It seemed like the day would never end. No big climbs just tired legs. Ken also had a tired tire which failed with a startling bang.
Worn down to the cord and not wanting to go an inch further. It’s a good thing that Ken wasn’t part of the FAA surveillance program or we would never made it to Soap Lake. We finally arrived only to find out that the ride wasn’t over for one of our group. The next day Mike Carpenter had to ride back to where we started to get his car.
Mike thinking about his stupid idea
It was pretty early in the afternoon but Betsy decided that it was cocktail time. Consulting Ed our destination was settled. You guessed it, the Cobra Lounge.
It’s a good thing that the “Cobra” is mobile and shows up wherever Ed is. Being allowed inside was quite the honor and the Venom Cocktail would knock you knee high socks off. Ed and Mike announced that since the afternoon was young they were going in search of a pedicure.
Right down the street was just the spot. During dinner we never could get the two of them to admit that they had gotten a wax job but their legs were pretty shiny.
Curlew Lake to Fort Spokane today. It was a tough day for Werner, hardly a tree in sight so where does one stop to pee? Does sagebrush provide enough privacy? Not really.
Then again how often does one need to pee when it’s this hot out?
Fort Spokane beckoned. We were hot and tired and heard the camp site was fantastic. Everyone worked hard and we were soon in camp. Lush grass, shade and some cooler air were welcomed by all- other than the comment of “I hope they turned the sprinklers off” which was heard any time we encountered green grass. Tents were pitched, showers taken (and Greg was given permission to sing in the shower) and dinner was served. We all noticed that it had become quite a bit cooler and soon the wind and rain started. The whole camp scurried back to their tents to wait for the storm to pass.
Next up was hail followed by thunder and lightning.
Today's sponsor is the National Weather Service who provided Howard with the weather updates that he then relayed on to us.
Hail under the tent flap
It seems that one of the support staff felt it necessary to remind everyone to stay in their tents. He went driving around with a megaphone saying ‘YOU ARE ALL GOING TO DIE, STAY IN YOUR TENT SO WE CAN FIND YOUR BODIES’. This went on for quite some time until the weather abated and we heard the sound of an approaching helicopter. It was a big one, painted gold with JIMMY SWAGGERT MINISTRIES lettered on the side. Seems that Jimmy had heard the sermon and was looking for a replacement, who would have thought that one would be found in Fort Spokane.
This last embellishment comes from visiting friends in Metairie, LA who drove us by the motel that broughtJimmy Swaggertdown.He really needed a replacement.
Today's sponsor is Johnny Walker Red Label Scotch. Pour one now, you are going to need it.
Today is dam day. We get to ride across the Grand Coulee Dam, minus anything on our bikes other than one water bottle. While waiting to go it seems that Bill Moyers and Ed Davis got in to a bit of a tussle. Ed lost.
I guess the Cobra Lounge was a bit much for him last night. Finally we were allowed across, quickly please, and then went on with the day’s ride. Lake Curlew was our destination and the ride was quite nice until we arrived. Then…..
It decided to rain. Personal Flotation Devices were issued for those who wanted them. Others chose to leave their gear out in the rain.
Ken inspecting somebody’s soggy mattress
Bill was one of the first in to camp and secured us a site with a picnic table. Not only that he had a “pop up” tent which he set up over the table before it started to pour. We all huddled under the tent waiting for the storm to pass and Bill informed us of a little “altercation” he had with our neighbor who wanted to claim the table for himself. This neighbor was none other than Ralph & Carol Nussbaum, the Grand Poo-Ba’s of the Cascade Bike Club.
Bill had erected the pop up over the picnic table. Ralph came over and claimed the table for himself and Bill was forced to become THE ENFORCER. Words were exchanged and it wasn’t until THE ENFORCER offered to stomp 13 kinds of dog poo out of Ralph that an agreement was reached. Ralph and Carol would move. They found a new spot right next to a Sani-Can.
Even better, they had garbage and recycling right there. How convenient!
Later we were visited by Peter Verbrugge and Charles Ruthford who were looking for some facts for the evening meeting. It seems that Carol or Ralph had gone to them asking for Bill to be disciplined. What Peter and Charles really wanted to know was “what are the 13 kinds of dog poo?” Bill ticked them off and was asked to lecture the whole group on the subject. Fortunately for all, Bill declined the invitation.
Here I have gone outside our RAW experiences to bring in some family history. My father in law, Joe, worked for a time as a painting inspector for the Tacoma School District. His partner in crime was a long time friend, Conrad Lea who was known as Connie. My mother’s name was also Connie and our daughter referred to her as Grandma Connie. Connie Lea was Mr. Grandma Connie and he actually answered to this name.
Joe and Connie were inspecting a paint job in a Northeast Tacoma school and one of the teachers was upset because he couldn’t have the room painted the color he wanted. The school district set the colors, but this teacher would not relent. Finally Connie got tired and told the teacher that if he didn’t shut up he would stomp 7 kinds of dog shit out of him.
All three were called to the principal’s office to discuss the situation.The teacher was told he didn’t have a say in the matter and was excused. The principal then asked Connie what the 7 kinds of dog shit were.
At the crack of dawn we are woken up by singing. At the top of his lungs, Greg Vlasik is singing Proud Mary in the showers. When he emerged and was “asked” what he was doing we were informed that there was no way he could start the day without a shower. Agreement was reached, showers were OK, singing was not allowed.
First on every day’s agenda should be coffee. Normally brewing starts around 05:00 and it’s quite a process. Heat gallons of water. Pour into a pot that has a 5 gallon paint strainer filled with coffee attached to the spout. Open the valve and fight off the early crowd. Actually the coffee is pretty good.
After breakfast we need to get Betsy back on the road. Broken spokes in her rear wheel caused by extreme velocity on the descent. Big problem, no spokes for a 650 wheel. The mechanic scratches his ??? and comes up with a solution. Twisted spokes.
Now it’s time for our rest day ride. First up we must tackle the massive Konnowac Pass. After a tough ascent we find bodies littered across the road making us pick our way through carefully. This is the lowest pass in Washington State according to the sign. Elevation gain must have been a couple of hundred feet. Down the other side in to whine country. It is also wine country but not today. A quick lunch and we get to take the short way back to camp, using the freeway.
It was rather hot and before too long Mark Peterson had a flat. This was not just any flat, this was with his tubeless tires that “don’t get flats”. Repairs ensued.
Good thing that Mark had help but they would soon prove worthless. Sirens and flashing lights are headed in our direction. Three cars skid to a stop and the officers get out. Flashing their titanium badges the announce they are here from the FAA and which one of us in Mark. Everyone points at Terri so the officers draw their blasters. Mark raises his hand and the interrogation proceeds. Turns out that working for Boeing he has to follow FAA procedures at ALL times before any repair is made. Does Mark have an approved manual with all updates? Yes thanks to his phone but the manual is in French. Howard steps up once again to provide translation. How about a tool board? Nope but they have some spray paint and one is quickly painted on the tarmac. OK, repair may proceed and about an hour later we are ready to head out. NOT SO FAST JUNIOR they announce. Where is the “return to service” tag? Someone has a playing card and pen and Mark makes the required tag and sticks it in his spokes. We are ordered to “have a nice day” and in a cloud of dust the FAA is on their way. We all need a drink!
Today is brought to you by Ricard 45, the perfect beverage for a hot afternoon.
It was a tough day for our bottle of Ricard, and for us the next day. It’s a good thing that tomorrow promises a really nice campsite, we need something to look forward to.
Monday’s tend to be tough with loads of climbing and this year was more of the same. First an early departure needs to be arranged. That entails begging Cascade the night before to allow everyone to leave at 06:00. After enough money has changed hands that is allowed. Today Highway 20 was on the menu. Six hours of climbing to the top but at least it was cool. Once we reached the summit the action started.
A beat up VW van pulls up and Ed jumps out. At least we hoped it was Ed. Now wearing a tie-dyed kit and looking a bit worse for wear at least he made is safely out of the commune. Turns out it was a nudist commune and they took his kit, bleached it white and then tie-dyed it.
Ed led us on the charge downhill and soon a threesome formed at the front. Ed, Terri and Betsy took turns in a paceline and were soon up to 50mph. Even when resting on the top tube Ed was having trouble keeping up with Terri and Betsy with those small 650 wheels really had to work. The rest of us took our time, enjoying the breeze since it had become very hot.
At the bottom of the pass we made a turn and had about 20 miles to go. What we encountered was a ride out of hell. Super hot, headwind and uphill. Coupled with being tired from climbing all morning it became an afternoon nobody will forget. After a few miles Janet and Matt Miller who were riding a tandem had a flat rear tire. A tree provided some shade although the farmer who owned it wanted to be paid. Money changed hands and before long the tube was repaired and we were on our way.
How hot was it? The road was melting and if that doesn’t give you a sense of the heat, Werner quit looking for trees to pee on. After what seemed to be hours we were in camp. Still blazing hot but at least there was water.
The “Dave’s” needed to cool off. Steam had been coming out of all four ears. Betsy and Terri blowing them away on a descent. NO WAY! But it happened. While they were learning how to be part of a civilized community the rest of us started setting up our tents. Well, everyone but Ed. His gear was nowhere to be found so he asked Peter Verbrugge, the event coordinator, where his gear was. Ed was informed that since he did not load it on the truck in the morning (remember he was at the nudist commune) it was Cascade policy to sell it to the highest bidder and put the money in the general fund. “Cascade can never pass up an opportunity to generate revenue” Ed was told. Not only that, Ed was no longer welcome to sleep in camp.
Now Ed only had what he was wearing, no place to sleep and the event coordinator was mad at him. Not good but…..
What came rolling into town but the Cobra Lounge. Ed had a tab there and they were willing to let him sleep behind the bar. Suddenly life was looking better. The Cobra would follow the ride and at least it was hot enough that Ed could wash in the river and get both his body and kit clean.
Tomorrow will be a rest day, probably a good thing.
Day one. You don’t expect to lose a rider on the first day but that is exactly what happened on this day. In 2012 we started in Chewelah and headed east in to Idaho. First up was a nice climb followed by a descent where we saw this
Just one? Where did the other 199 go?
Well, Fast Eddy saw the sign and more importantly what was right after it, a commune. Hippies in 2012! Diapers drying on the line. That distinctive odor being wafted in our direction. Fast right turn for Ed and that is the last we saw of him.
We rode on in to Idaho. What Cascade didn’t tell us is the area was littered with white supremacists. Peacefully riding along we were stopped by some “boys” armed with AR-15’s, cheap beers in hand. They discussed if these frigging liberals were worth shooting and leaving for vulture bait. We were given one chance to prove we were not the liberals (in spandex no less) that they thought we were.
The Cog Father, Howard, stepped up and explained that he had voted for Barry Goldwater. OK, we were almost released. I told them that I once went to hear Curtis LeMay speak. We were off! Did the Cog Father lie to some good old boys in order to secure our freedom? Probably just one of those “alternative facts” that seem so handy.
So you have an inkling on who Curtis was but how does he fit in to this story? Many of you know I went to a boarding school for high school. It is located in Pebble Beach and seems to have the ability to get well known speakers. When I was a freshman, Joan Baez came and talked. For all of about 2 minutes. This was in the Vietnam era and she was explaining how to evade the draft. Very quickly the administration ushered her off the stage. A couple of years later for the big Father’s Dinner, Curtis LeMay was on the same stage. Most of the teachers were seated up there and when he was introduced they all stood up and left. Many of the teachers were still draft eligible and didn’t want to hear about bombing people into the stone age. They didn’t even like the fact that Rat Patrol was being filmed on the sand dunes near the school.
Now a word from today's sponsor...
Arlo Guthrie who had plenty to say about the Vietnam War
Dinnertime came and went, no sign of Ed. He really had trouble on RAW getting lured in to questionable establishments. Along with the commune he also had problems with a hair dresser, nail salon and the Cobra Lounge.
The first day of RAW begins with finding your way to the start. On my very first RAW we took the Cascade bus to Raymond. A later ride would find me in Ed Davis’ motor home heading east with a stop in Cle Elum. Both of these had a big influence in my life but for different reasons.
Ed suggested we use his motor home to get to the start and make it a two day trip across the state, spending the night in Cle Elum. So we packed our bikes on the stern of the motor home and headed east. Going up Snoqualmie Pass on could see the fuel gauge heading south but once over the summit gravity took over and we were quickly in Cle Elum. We toured the area and then felt the need for re-hydration, a stop at The Brick was in order. There we met Tinkerbell.
She was pink, I mean bright pink. Small in stature and quite rigid.
While this isn’t the real Tinkerbell, you get the idea. Her owner was very proud of her, showing her off to everyone he knew – and he knew everyone. Oh’s and awe’s were dispersed along with a bit of head shaking. Does one carry a bright pink purse during the day?
That day introduced me to Cle Elum and in a few years we would be living a few miles east of town. One of the major changes in our lives. And no, Tinkerbell has not been seen since.
Now a word from our sponsor - Wild Salmon
A staple on the RAW menu and a major part of our next section…
Sorry, the next section is difficult to write.
First time setting up my tent in Raymond and all went well! Now, what to do? RAW doesn’t provide dinner prior to the ride but the Firemen in Raymond put on a Salmon feed but it was a few hours away.
So Terri, Bob Miller and I found ourselves in town sitting on a curb with our feet in the gutter. None of us knew each other then, by the end of the ride we had become friends. Every evening we ate together, drinking a little wine and looked forward to the next day’s ride. On the final day Terri and Bob decided I should ride with them. They were much stronger riders and I feared that it would be a tough day. Tough it was but more due to the heat and running out of water. Not many oaisis’ around Walla Walla.
That was in 2007. Not long after Bob passed away. The amazing thing is of the core group I rode with, the rest of us are all still here and not one of us got really hurt during a RAW event. Through Terri, I met the rest of “Betsy’s Bike Club” and have had many great times (along with a few suspect ones).
So it’s time for everyone to have one last cocktail and then bed down. Tomorrow we are off!
COVID-19 has eliminated the idea of a bike ride with over 200 participants. What it hasn’t done is stop of us from remembering the best (and worst) of past rides. August is normally Ride Around Washington, RAW, month so here are my memories from some past rides. I have taken the liberty to change plenty of facts, if something is italics it is true (or at least how I remember it), plain text contains plenty of “alternative facts”.
Please treat our sponsors properly. Some need a fancy glass. A bit of ice might be required or a BBQ.
When the ride ends there will be a test. I expect to see a major discussion on one question, the good news is the US/Canadian border is closed and there will be no physical violence.
Enjoy my diversion, see you at the end of the ride.
