On this day in 1933 the ban on James Joyce’s Ulysses was lifted in the United States.

“Irish novelist and poet James Augustine Aloysius Joyce is regarded as one of the most influential writers of the modernist avant-garde. Joyce was a notorious binge drinker, who was adamant that he could not write as well without the aid of alcohol. During his time living in Paris Joyce was a drinking buddy of Ernest Hemingway. The slightly-built Joyce was said to often start bar fights and then hide behind the much bigger Hemingway.”

Option #1:
Jameson Irish Whiskey

Option #2:
White wine

• Which option would I choose: #1 of course, I am not much of a white wine drinker.
• Binge drinking? If forced to read Ulysses it would make sense to go on a life threatening bender lasting until the book was banned once again.
• Bar fights? There was a time when I experienced the opposite of the Hemingway/Joyce technique. While in New Orleans for Madri Gras, Ed Hoff who was much taller than I would stand behind me and start an argument. Speed was an asset in exiting the bar to safety.
• But what about Hemingway? See option #3 below
• Thoughts about Option 3? This is something I used to drink years ago. It’s about time to bring it out of retirement. Also time to re-read Islands in the Stream.

Option #3:
From a Hemingway novel, “Islands in the Stream” an interesting variation on the classic Tom Collins. In the Hemingway variant, gin is mixed with coconut water and lime juice over ice and then topped with Angostura bitters.

Joe and Helen Dowsett’s anniversary. Joe and Helen were my father and mother in law. At various times in her life, Helen was known to have a drink or two, Joe- always.

Joe’s Option #1:
Crown Royal– not often seen in his later years having shifted to Bourbon.

Joe’s Option #2:
Everclear– actually this is the only thing I have know that he would leave untouched in the liquor drawer.

Helen’s Option:
“Wine” and I use that term loosely. Helen liked to make wine although it was quite high proof.

• What have I heard about Joe and Helen’s drinking? Eating raw oysters and then “killing” them with a shot of whiskey. To make this worse the adventure was filmed and it was shown both forwards (with the oyster going down) and backwards (coming back up).
• What would Joe say when handed a drink? “Beautiful”
• Joe and crabs? One summer we were on the family sailboat, Orion, in Sucia harbor. Joe and Karen had gone diving and procured some crabs. A good looking gal with her kids was on the beach and they were interested in the crabs. Joe, watching the gal, picked one out of the bucket and the crab promptly locked on to one thumb. Seconds later Joe’s second thumb was captured. Crab was beaten into submission and I had to perform surgery to deal with the blood blisters. I don’t have a memory of what happened after but I am sure many adult beverages were consumed.

Karen’s choice today and she isn’t choosing wine. Something old school is in order for Friday.

Option #1:
Sidecar – invented around the end of World War I supposedly by the Ritz Hotel in Paris.

Option #2:
Ti’punch – François-Paul suggests 3 parts dark rum, 1 part fresh lime juice, 1 part simple syrup, lightly crushed mint leaves. Shake well over ice and pour over ice in a tumbler. Add more mint leaves for decoration (and munching). Drink through a short straw.

• Ever had a Sidecar? No
• How about a Ti’punch? Once
• Has Karen chosen French offerings? Sure seems that way!

Karen’s history with the Ti-punch. If you haven’t figured out from the recipe, this is one stiff cocktail. Twice in my memory Karen has ordered one and come away with a story to tell. But first we need to review the Briand family tree.

François-Paul is our age and was our next door neighbor in Tacoma. His father, François-Luc lived in Paris and we had the chance to meet on several occasions. François-Charles is the youngest of the trio and unlike his father doesn’t seem to have the desire to be a barman.

Story #1
We are in Dinard, France with the Briand clan including François-Luc. It’s cocktail time and Karen orders a Ti’punch. François-Luc’s eyes get large with admiration, a woman ordering such a cocktail and even more one constructed by his son!

Story #2
We are in Nantes, France with Leslie and George Patton looking for dinner and end up in a small restaurant where the chef is from Washington State. Karen orders a Ti’punch and is asked, are you sure? Of course! Seems this cocktail is seldom ordered by Americans.

Karen was not alone in her liking of the Ti’punch. François-Paul’s wife, Delphine, was also a fan. It would be fitting if everyone raised their cocktail tonight in Delphine’s memory.

On December 3rd detective novelist Agatha Christie mysteriously disappears for 11 days so we must turn to her most famous sleuth for cocktail advice. What does Hercule Poirot drink?

Option #1:
Crème de Menthe – best to go straight to

Option #2:
Champagne – French of course but remember Poirot is Belgian!

• Ever try Crème de Menthe? No, and no plans to.
• Favorite line from a Poirot movie? Death on the Nile- ‘never before have I seen a cobra in a first class cabin’. Guess they are common in second and third class accommodations.
• How many times have I watched Death on the Nile? Plenty, and it is time to watch it once again. A long movie, lots of time to try various beverages.

We just watched the new version of Murder on the Orient Express with Johnny Depp (is this going to be his last movie?). There was supposed to be a new take on Death on the Nile released in 2020 so we can enjoy yet another new Poirot.

Now that the cleaning has been done it’s time to get going. Being Wednesday or “Hump Day” a couple of options that will get us to Friday are in order.

Option #1:
Espresso Martini – these were featured on some reality TV show we just watched and look lethal.

Option #2:
Vodka and Red Bull – simpler to make than the Espresso Martini but you still get that caffeine kick.

• Have I tried either of these cocktails? No, and I don’t plan on adding them to my rotation.
• Caffeine and alcohol? A strange combination if you ask me, alcohol already makes sleeping difficult and to pile caffeine on top of that?
• Anything here that makes sense? Sure, a shot of espresso mid-morning and vodka at happy hour, just not together. Red Bull is the outlier, I would rather stick to coffee.

We need to start with a clean slate. What better way than to bring back a drink from the past? Smirnoff ran ads for this drink in the early 70’s and then it faded away. A few years ago I was riding my bike south of Tacoma near McChord Field and there was a billboard advertising the cocktail once again.

The Piledriver
Vodka and Prune Juice

Have I ever had a Piledriver? NO

Will I ever have a Piledriver? NO

What does a Piledriver pair well with? NOTHING

Why choose a Piledriver? Prune juice is the key, drink enough of it and you will have a clean slate!

This is a special edition with two birthdays to celebrate. Mark Peterson’s in on the 30th and Karen Easterday’s is on the 1st. Every year it must be a massive party in their neighborhood.

Mark’s birthday is technically out of bounds for our holiday beverage calendar but as you will find out, the December 1st calendar offering is not birthday friendly.

There is also the problem of not knowing their ages. No way could they be over 21 so the first offerings have to take that in to consideration.

Option #1 for Mark:
Roy Rodgers

Option #1 for Karen:
Shirley Temple

Should they happen to be over 21.

Option #2 for Mark:
Beer – on bike rides this seems to be his beverage of choice

Option #2 for Karen:
White Burgundy – properly chilled and served with something tasty

Option #3:
The Volcano – 2 straws please

• Do you know what beer Mark likes best? No, but I know it isn’t Flat Tire (not sure about Fat Tire).
• When did I last have a Roy Rodgers? A long, long time ago. Do they even make them any more?

Here is the first story of this series-

Karen (my wife) and a bunch of buddies are in a “bar” located in Sumner close to the railroad tracks. They had some deal about trains passing by and free drinks. The girls had ordered a Volcano, complete with flames. One of the crew, Tammi, had long hair and leaned over the drink catching her hair on fire. Serena, instigator of the group leaned across the table and put out the flames with her hands and said that the hair would be fine. Hopefully Serena was Tammi’s hairdresser so that the story wouldn’t have to be repeated in public.

Several years later this group would go on a birthday run for Serena and the highlight of the trip was one participant telling Karen to “wash my butt”. It seemed that someone couldn’t hold her liquor.

Birthday presents for Mark and Karen, of course! As some know, you don’t want to be on the same continent with me if I am trying to sing. It’s said my singing will make one’s ears bleed and cause many medical issues.

For all who celebrate their birthdays prior to the end of the year I promise NOT to sing Happy Birthday.

In the past people have paid good money so that I didn’t sing so this is really a priceless gift.

Like a Russian novel we need a cast of characters. Also like a Russian novel, some go by different names so it is important to give this list your full attention.

IN ORDER OF APPEARANCE

• Serena and Tammi – friends from Tacoma who Karen tended to meet in various bars. Harbor Lights was popular, strong drinks and reasonable prices in the day.
• François-Paul Briand- next door neighbor in Tacoma and frustrated Barman. Often referred to as FP. He will be involved throughout this month.
• François-Luc Briand- François-Paul’s father.
• Leslie and George Patton- Live in Tacoma and we traveled to France together. George and I have also done a fair amount of bike riding together.
• Joe and Helen Dowsett- Karen’s mother and father. Joe was my partner in Westpac after a career as a high steel painter. He painted the Space Needle a couple of times along with the transmission cables across the Narrows in Tacoma. Helen was my Mother-Outlaw, couldn’t have been an in-law since they tend to be a pain in the ass.
• Ed Hoff- a life raft salesman for Viking Life Saving, at least at the time we were drinking in bars together.
• Chuck Granoski- Tacoma neighbor. First time I met Chuck he was with Candace and I explained that she was my mother. Chuck was confused, but I had left out that she was my Dorm Mother in 1972. While FP wants to be a Barman, Chuck is looking to be a Pool Boy at their place in Mexico.
• Mark Haley – Used to be part of Brown and Haley (Almond Roca) but now a great friend of François-Paul. Wife, Nancy produces amazing documentaries.
• Werner Krampl- Canadian who has become part of our bike riding group. Werner is known for his large luggage on bike trips, probably due to the amount of booze he brings.
• Greg Switlik- one of the three Switlik brothers who ran the Switlik Parachute company our main supplier of life rafts. Like FP, Greg had a bad influence on our daughter, taking her to fancy restaurants and introducing her to great food. Greg passed away way too young but he did arrange one last party for his friends to attend at their place in New York. I believe some drinking was done that night.
• Ed Davis- bike riding friend who had a business down the street in Tacoma from ours. Ed introduced me to sneaking on to Ft. Lewis through a hole in the fence to ride bikes on base. Why we never were caught I don’t know.
• Pascale Meuiner- a school friend of FP’s who has become a friend of ours. Lives in Paris and is allergic to idiots. She also knows that in most countries if she is suffering from an allergy and hides in the women’s bathroom, no guy will come looking for her. This doesn’t work in France.
• Ryan Cummings – cyclist, wine drinker and a nurse at U of W.
• Jim Brose- neighbor in Cle Elum who seems to have a problem with time. Happy Hour has now moved up to 16:30 and sometimes earlier.

Adult beverages and the holiday season go together. Kids have Advent Calendars, we have a Holiday Beverage Calendar. These are just suggestions, feel free to deviate (but not be a deviant). I have decided that for this calendar the holiday season will be from December 1st through the 31st.

Like advent calendars, each day is just a little treat. Just enough to make you look forward to tomorrow but not so much that you are over stuffed.

SOME TIME LATER

Where is everyone today?

Ed Davis can be found at the Tacoma Country Club with his trusty sidekick Toro. He no longer visits the Cobra Lounge due to the back problem he developed sleeping behind the bar on the floor really acts up whenever he is close to the Cobra.

Terri Iverson has received several speeding tickets descending mountain passes on her bike. Now she is working 7 days a week to generate enough money to pay off the tickets. Somehow her “GoFundMe” page never gained any traction.

Mark Peterson is now a wanted man. It seems that after the visit by the FAA the agency discovered that the top secret Titanium Badges had been shown and that they were now public knowledge. The agents were sent to Gitmo and the badges had to be taken out of service. Other agents really became upset and they have been looking for Mark ever since.

Ralph & Carol Nussbaum ran into difficulties with the government. Ralph now spends his summers in Walla Walla, winters in Monroe. Carol is based in Purdy and they are hoping to reunite some day soon.

Betsy MacInnes also has had a run-in with the law. She has been camping at Peace Arch Park and was told camping was not allowed. Betsy took this all the way to the Supreme Court and after RBG finished with the government a high class tent platform complete with bathroom was erected for Betsy.

Howard Strickler is once again employed. Prior to the ride he discovered a problem with his mail server and was able to fix it. He is now an IT specialist at Best Buy (better known as the Geek Squad).

Werner Krampl hasn’t been heard from. He snuck back across the border and went dark. There have been rumors of sightings at Peace Arch Park but nobody is really sure.

Bill Moyers has been all around the country (virtually) on a speaking tour. It seems there is an amazing amount of interest in the 13 kinds of dog-poo. Should you wish to hire him the fee is in the $100k range for a 30 minute talk.

Greg Vlasic also has a new gig. It’s the one he has dreamed about his whole life- only better…..

He did need to change the spelling of his last name but he is now the official jingle singer for Vlasic Pickles. The contract negotiations were tough since the pickle company wanted to forbid Greg from singing all his songs referencing Mary but they finally relented. Greg is now on his way to jingle stardom.